I Lan Park trailhead, Tomahawk Creek Trail -- Leawood, KS

Start a run along the Tomahawk Creek Trail from here, heading north.  The trail never makes you cross a road, and it's mostly tree-covered.  (Essential in the summer!)  Creek-adjacent, makes it easy to know where to turn.

Update: you can also start from the Leawood Aquatic Center and either run south to I Lan park, or north which takes you across the state line, for bragging rights.

Southern Nights Bar -- Elizabethtown, KY

So, they basically only have a six-pack each of two different local beers.  The rest is every flavor possible of Bud, Coors, Miller, PBR.  But the staff is friendly, and it's been a while since you had a PBR, so just pretend you're a hipster on Valencia street.  Maybe grow a handlebar mustache -- and not just for a costume party.

You'll find yourself looking forward to going back.  Especially on Wednesday, for karaoke night.

Amsterdam Alehouse -- New York, New York

Fun place, and once you met some old hippies going to a flaming tuna show, who were fun to chat with.  You meet fun people here.  The unknown awesomeness (though actually this year we saw some people here just for this) is that the night before the Macy's Xgiving Day Parade they have to drag all the floats up to the starting point.  They do it some time after nine.  And if you're drinking here that night, you have a front row preview.

Laurie Meadows Coin Op Laundry -- San Mateo, CA

In an area where the laundromats are overpriced, grimy, and none of the dryers ever entirely finish drying your jeans, it's nice to find one that's at least not entirely overpriced.  Also, it has a chair -- a single plastic lawn chair -- which is likely already in use.  But hey, there's a liquor store next door, so grab a twenty-ounce, sit on a folding table, and quit your complaining.

Kelly's Olympian -- Portland, OR

This is your go-to spot in the neighborhood, if you aren't in the mood (yet) for the Yamhill Pub.  They have all kinds of old motorcycles hanging from the ceiling, and an overall bike theme.  There's even designated motorcycle parking out front.

Sit near the front of the place though, as the AC is pumped in from the back, and you'll freeze in the cold wind.  Or maybe that's part of the theme -- they just expect you to throw on a scarf, gloves, and your helmet.

Also, pinball.

Commodore Lounge -- Portland, OR

Good morning day drinkers!  They're open at 7 AM, so if you show up in the early afternoon, you're already behind.  They will catch you up.

They have two pool tables and pinball, so while you fritter away the daylight hours, you have something to do other than thumb through Twitter or whatever.  See?  You're being productive.  That high score isn't going to break itself.

Careful though, I'll bet the sock-heads fill it in the evenings to soak up the dive atmosphere ... and post it to Instagram.

The Wurst -- Portland, OR

Sure, why not?  Two pool tables, lots of local beer, and a machine that dispenses Dino eggs for fifty cents.  (Though the one I got had a plastic shrubbery that looked like Plants vs. Zombies.)

Update 20180918: they have added two pinball machines -- currently Mars Attacks and Star Wars -- and a handful of video games.  This is now my go-to when I'm staying at the Jupiter hotel.

Courthouse Hotel -- Sydney, NSW

Kind of like if Zeitgeist came to Newtown.  Lots of local beer, a whole kitchen, and tons of outdoor seating.  There's a patio just for the smokers.  Also, they have a half dozen pinball machines, all rock band themes, and when a bunch of people are playing, the cacophony is fantastic.

Four Pines Brewery -- Manly, NSW

Worth the thirty minute ferry ride -- which is actually kind of cool by itself.  At some times it's empty, then suddenly it's full.  So if you can't find a table, wait twenty minutes.  Get the Manly Burger.  It's enormous, has some weird condiments, and is way overcooked ... but somehow this perfectly complements the experience.

Headquarters Beercade -- Nashville, TN

Full of pinball and eighties video games on free play mode -- and pictured is a wall of audio cassettes -- this was kind of fun to check out.  Remember though, you lucked out, finding street parking when all the lots wanted a thirty dollar flat rate.  Also make sure to go early, as it seems to turn into a retro nightspot for hipsters later in the evening.  Great for a happy hour beer, though!

Stoneyard Craft Beer Hall and Grill -- Webster, NY

This was a good spot to go after work and get a couple expense reports done.  They've got a couple dozen beers on tap, and no one cares if you're on your laptop.  In fact, the bartender is over at the other end of the beer watching YouTube videos at full volume, so obviously no one cares.

Happily, they had a session IPA, so work was possible ... as well as getting home.  You did not try anything from the kitchen.

Dickens -- London, England

Not bad at all.  Naturally, this being Paddington, it's a well-lit establishment.  But it's okay.  They have a good selection of beers, and you like the Punk IPA.  Make sure to go into the back part of the place.  At first glance it looks like a small pub, but there's more through the doorway.  On cold nights, it's almost essential that you get away from the front doors, even if they've got the space heater right there, on full blast.

Cambria Hotel & Suites -- Plano-Frisco, TX

Get the salmon.  Is that weird to start a hotel review with a food recommendation?  The rooms are the good kind of boring, they have modern climate control, the walk-in shower is fun, the carpet is new, and there's a mini fridge.  (It made noise, so I unplugged it.)  One of the nicest things though, is that they have an actual kitchen -- with an actual "chef" rather than a "cook" -- as well as four local beers on tap.  It's a no-brainer to decide where to do those expense reports.

Quickwash Laundry -- San Jose, CA

Well, the machines belong in a museum, but they work just fine.  They're the odd style that take a custom chip-card thing -- but then the vending machine is broken -- but then the attendant is happy to take cash and use the card that he's got, so it's all fine.  This place is near SJSU, so brace yourself for that, but it's got a five-spot parking lot dedicated to it, which is lucky.  Nice big folding tables, by the way.  Pizza across the street.

Hilton Garden Inn NW/Arboretum -- Austin, TX

Try Home2, first.  This place is a great fallback, though.

The highway noise is noticeable even on the *back* side of the building, so you definitely don't want the front.  The nearest place for a beer -- Bone Daddy Barbecue, across the parking lot -- closes at ten.

If the traffic/timing is good, go running down by the Colorado River (park at Deep Eddy municipal pool).  Or go back to the Walnut Creek trail.  Some days the difference in drive time is only ten minutes, and it's worth it.

Aloft -- Santa Clara, CA

Some executive gets the idea that they'll take the economics of a Motel 6, dress the place up, and sell it to millennials.  This is the half-assed result you get.  Somewhere there's an executive getting promoted for being a genius.

Do not let the proximity to the Coyote Creek Trail fool you.

Gnats everywhere.  Ventilation that won't turn off, and that makes a total racket.  Blackout curtains only.  Methane alarm in the hallway.  And there is no ramen in the "country store."

Mother Hubbard's -- Chicago, IL

If you're stuck around here, this could be your best bet.  Local service folk check-in here after their shifts, which always bodes well for a place.  They have TVs on every flat surface, including one that is basically only visible by the bartenders themselves, so bring the universal remote.  It was fine on a Wednesday, but the whole area probably becomes bro-town Thursday through Saturday.

No one bothers you.  But you got tired of the place after a couple hours, so who knows what was up with that.

Hotel Bethlehem -- Bethlehem, PA

You like this place.  If you're stuck working anywhere within thirty minutes' driving distance, it's worth the extra commute to stay some place real.  There are plenty of bars within stumbling distance, and the hotel bar is fine ... and they have jazz on Thursdays.  They have a kitchen.  The salmon was good one day, and totally salty another. Anadromous species ... can't make up their minds ... am I right?

It's a couple blocks from the D & L trail.

Oh, they charge seven dollars a night for parking.

Joe's Tavern -- Bethlehem, PA

This place was fun!  Uhm, what you remember of it.  I'm not sure what scope of law covers it, but smoking is permitted indoors at this place.  The bartender said they're grandfathered in, somehow.  Nice locals drinking here.  There's a TouchTunes jukebox, and no clear winner in terms of most-played genre.  Now, where can I find a cleaner to get the smell out of everything I was wearing?

Yamhill Pub -- Portland, OR

Finally, a dive bar that doesn't need that in quotes.  The floor is messed up, the seats have stuffing coming out of them, the guy on your left just arranged to sleep on the couch of his friend three seats down on your right.  Some other customers are matter-of-factly discussing needing to find some coke.  Also, there's a pinball machine.  And it's two blocks from the Hotel Rose.